- mom: what are you doing on the computer
- me: nothing
- *14738473423 tabs open*
- News in Britain: stamps have gone up 14 pence
- News in America: cannibal eats man's face
And guess what? She’s reading this now.
Tumblr makes California and New York look like the only states in the fucking country
…wait. are you saying there are others?
[step 1] open your mouth as wide as possible. make sure to stick out your tongue as far as you can, too, since kisses are like, 90% that thing
[step 2] find someone to kiss. you will know they want to kiss because their tongue will also be extended at full length
[step 3] move in for the kill
You know that moment when you’re reading a book and you just have to stop and bite your lip and squeal or sigh or close your eyes and wrinkle your nose and forehead and press the book against your heart and just like sit there and try to soak up the gorgeous literature via osmosis?
That’s my favorite part of reading.
- dog: every snack you make
- dog: every meal you bake
- dog: every bite you take
- dog: i'll be watching you
- no one: FINALLY, I can link my Facebook account to my Tumblr account so all my friends and family can see what I do online all day!
if you’re ever mugged by someone just scream ‘sWIPER NO SWIPING’ at them and by the rules of crime they have to stop